Five Life Lessons After a Semester of Second Year
Hello!
I’m currently sat on an overheated train home next to one of the most belligerent women you ever did meet, but I’ve stuck my noise cancelling headphones on so I cannot hear her endless complaints (to her friend, not to me!). In the absence of people to talk to I thought I might as well talk to you lot!
I have managed to reach the end of the semester in one piece (apart from the exam on 20th) and I’m pretty happy to be heading home at the correct time having fought the urge to leave when things got tough. It was arguably the toughest 3 months I’ve ever gone through but I’m grateful for it actually, I’ve learnt a hell of a lot.
The first thing is that health, especially mental health, has got to come first. In the first semester of my first year, I had my first anxiety crash. I think I’d got to October and the fact that I was 350 miles from home, I had signed up for a 4 year degree and it was quite difficult, I had to do Harvard referencing now, and I had just starting getting involved with one of the most toxic young men I’d ever had the pleasure of meeting (if he happens to be reading this, it looks like you’ve calmed down now, well done in Oliver!) all came in and hit me like a wall. But did I get help? No. Not as I should have done. I saw my personal tutor and made an appointment with disability services that happened after my December exams - not the greatest self help the world has ever seen, foetus Sarah!
This year, I came back to uni thinking that I wasn’t going to get anxious this time - I knew the ropes, knew who I was moving in with, I had friends, I’d been in a stable relationship for a good while… why on earth would I be anxious? Well, I think we all know how wrong I was about that! Instead of being calm and positive as I thought I would be, I crashed. Further down than ever before and was being violently sick. But this time, I did something about it. I was honest with people, I went to as many things to help myself as I could, and I started this blog! And having done all of those things, I’ve come out the other side stronger than before. I now know that dropping out should be a last resort, and Edinburgh will help you.
The second thing I learnt was that people you think of as friends will not always treat you as a friend. It is not your fault. When I moved into my second year flat, I was under the distinct impression that I was moving into a flat with a close friend, and 3 others that I didn’t know very well at all. As I’m writing this, the friend in question has moved out, the others are much closer to me, and we no longer think of her as a friend. My blog is not designed to be a place to bitch about people, just to be honest which is why I’ve skipped over the gory details. The main lesson here is that you never truly know someone until you live with them and sadly, it doesn’t always work out. It’s not your fault.
Third, even when you believe that you are completely on your own for flatmates, no-one likes you, and that you’re going to be on the streets for the next year, it will always sort itself out. I decided at the beginning of November that I did not want to live in the flat I’m in next year. It’s very dark and slightly cave-like. Now, I’m quite like a plant, I need lots of light or I get sad. I think the flat is partly the reason behind my anxiety getting so much worse. The others in the flat decided to stay as they quite liked it. Fair enough, I thought, I can find some people. But finding people to live with proved to be one of the most stressful experiences of my university life. Literally everyone in the entire city of Edinburgh seemed to be sorted for flatmates but wished me all the best of luck. When November slipped into December, I started to seriously panic. In Edinburgh, if you want a flat for September, it’s best to start looking in late January/early February so you can imagine why I started to worry. I wanted to live with friends because the thought of applying to a flatmate finder page terrified me. I felt like it was a personal problem. Though, I’m actually half laughing as I’m writing this because I realise now that I was being such a Drama Queen! All it took was a little bit of patience. I’m now going to be living with my close friend Fraser (after he decided to move out of his parents’ house), and a girl called Meg who’s a musician and seems very nice. If you find yourself in the same situation, don’t panic! Ask all your friends if they know anyone looking, ask your friends who are on years abroad if you have any, join some flat pages on Facebook as a back up, but hold off on messaging them immediately - you don’t want to get tied down into an arrangement with someone you don’t know and then find that one of your friends is free! Then, just wait, things will fall into place. My flatmates for next year seemed to just appear from thin air! Just breathe, think through it all logically and calmly, you will sort things out.
Fourth, it’s not weak to apply for an extension on an assignment if you need one. When I was feeling really anxious, it got to the point where I just needed to go home for a few days. I had been worried that I couldn’t possibly go home because I had a Sociology assignment deadline to meet. In the end, my mum persuaded me that actually, it was more important to go home and calm down for a few days so I got an extension. It was fine, and I promise from the bottom of my heart that the world did not implode! I admit that filling in the form was a bit stressful but you’ve just got to do it.
Fifth, university society committees have no right to tell you what to do. I understand that society committees are necessary so that the society can run so of course, they can give you instructions. However, if they start acting like they have a right to run your life, let me remind you, they are also students. You have every right to put your foot down if they start acting in a way you don’t like. One particular society that I’m in has been acting in an incredibly authoritarian way this semester and, for the majority of the time, I felt like I should answer to them but having given it some serious thought, they don’t have a right to be like that. I shall certainly be putting my foot down next semester if it continues and if you’re in a society feeling the same way, I urge you to do the same. University life has enough pressure without a handful of other students making it worse. You are in charge of your decisions. No one else. Full stop.
Bonus lesson, I am absolutely awful at ironing. That’s it. I have no advice on this one, please help me!
Right, I’ve rambled on for far too long now but I hope it was somewhat helpful! Bring on semester 2! And, now that I’m home, my blogs will probably be slightly more frequent and definitely more upbeat. I do hope you’ll keep reading, wherever you are!
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
Today’s track: It just had to be Chris Rea ‘Driving Home For Christmas’
