Truth Hurts.

Hello!

Today I wanted to write about telling the truth, and why it's the most powerful weapon you can use. I've noticed, most especially through Christmas, that we lie all the time, and we just don't need to. I've done it too this Christmas. I've pretended to like certain gifts when I could have politely admitted that I would rather swap it but thank you for the thought, I've pretended that comments people have made didn't upset me when they did, hidden my feelings in certain situations for fear of upsetting others with the truth. And this got me thinking, why on earth do we do this? I hate it when people lie to me about things to spare my feelings. If you're angry with something I've done, tell me. If I've upset you, admit it. If I'm wearing something and it's really not working for me, tell me. Because if you don't, then how on earth am I supposed to deal with it?

I started this blog as a space to be completely honest with no sugar coating. So naturally, I have commented on the behaviour of certain people as a way of processing their actions. I have never intentionally gone out to bitch or be vindictive towards somebody else, I have simply stated what they have done. And since I've started doing that, I've had certain comments saying "Oh you mustn't write that because it puts me in a negative light." Now, of course if I write something and it is genuinely harsh or attacking and you've been hurt by the language I've used, I will change it. However, if I've simply stated a fact such as "we haven't spoken for a year." then it's time to actually analyse why that puts you in a negative light. In fact, I'm not just talking about things written on my blog, I'm talking about everyday life. If you do something that is not particularly positive, people might comment on it in a way that is not particularly positive. And to hear the truth spoken out loud is going to be uncomfortable but I actually see it as a positive. Sometimes we need to be seen in a negative light in order to grow as people.

So, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I am not going to stop being honest about things to spare people's feelings. And I would ask everyone else to do the same. In fact, I'll use an example of this happening to me. When I was about 15 or 16, my dear friend Leo came out as transgender and I was genuinely vile about it and I wholeheartedly admit that. I was uneducated (not an excuse) and just so unkind that I look back now and can't believe that it's the same person writing this. And I had said some very nasty things that now make me feel sick thinking that I could even have had those thoughts, and I said them to a friend behind Leo's back. I was just awful. And that friend in particular (whom I'm still close to) told Leo exactly what I had said. And of course, Leo was incredibly angry, and deeply hurt that someone he'd believed was a close friend could have said those things. And at the time, I was angry with the friend for telling him, and for telling other people because now people were judging me very harshly. But now, I'd like to thank her from the bottom of my heart for calling me out like that. I had no right to be angry because I had said those things, and they were hurtful, and I had been horrible. And after that point, I educated myself thoroughly, I swallowed my pride and apologised sincerely knowing that it was nowhere near enough but I managed to save my friendship, and he is just as close to me now as he was then. And to Leo (as I know he'll probably be reading this), I cannot apologise enough for treating you like that, it was inexcusable. And to Maddie, thank you for allowing me to become a better person who would go on to fight for a system to change pronouns for transgender students at RGS Worcester; feel free to give me another kick up the arse if I ever do anything like that again!

Truth hurts but it's necessary. It's the foundation on which we can build better selves, and it's necessary for balancing your mental health as well. We all have our flaws but that doesn't mean we can't work on them. There's no shame in telling someone that you're listening but cannot give the right sort of help. It's ok to tell someone that they're being far too dependant on you. And it's not unkind to tell a loved one firmly that they need to have a wash to go outside. Because in doing that, you aid their recovery. I'm not saying that to be unkind, I'm saying it from the perspective of someone struggling. Obviously don't tell someone that you think they're the most annoying person on the planet because that is genuinely unkind, and detrimental to their confidence, but telling the truth about something sensitive is actually hugely beneficial in the long run.

I'm going to keep telling the truth and I urge you to join me.

Lots of Love,

Sarah xxx

Today's Track: Passenger 'Facebook'. I always love Passenger for a bit of life's truths!