Shower Thoughts: It's a Good Life
Hello!
I wish I could say I was writing this from my shower but that would be a lie as my laptop would definitely not thank me for blogging in the shower. Often, my blogs are planned and spread evenly in an almost military fashion, but this one is not. Why? Because life is simply too short.
I was just in the shower, enjoying the ritual of washing my hair and body under the hot water and I just thought to myself "mine is a good life." People often ask me how I cope with my life because people have often been cruel, and it can sometimes feel like a series of unfortunate events. We do that a lot - pick out the nasty bits and ignore the good. Today for example, I could say that I was ill and missed a lecture, struggled through some reading, and to top it off, a flatmate dropped out of the arrangement for next year, and it would sound like a bad day. But actually, I texted a friend to say I wouldn't be in the lecture and they immediately sent me their love. I saw one of my flatmates from last year to catch up. It was during this meeting that I received the text from the potential flatmate for next year, and she immediately offered a space in her flat if everything fell through on my end. I arranged to see 'Miss Saigon' with another friend next week. I received compliments on my eyeliner, my blog, my shoes, and my cooking today. I'm now sat in a room that I've decorated myself with a scented candle that I can't really smell just now but I know the scent is there. I'm clean and dry, full of cold, yes, but it's a good life.
You might believe that your life is awful and reading this might make you feel slightly sick but let me tell you something. There was a time when I self harmed every day, ate anything and everything and didn't care what I looked like, I dressed badly, and I was suicidal. There was a time when I'd sit and plan my suicide, and I believed that no-one would notice if I just disappeared, because I was nothing. But that was then, and this is now. My life is a good one, and I am thankful that I chose to live. Your life can be a good one too.
People point out my health conditions as a way of suggesting that my life is somehow less. I stood there under the water and pondered all those showers where I had felt horrifically anxious, had just been sick, watched my nose bleed under the water, or collapsed after the water had stopped running and I remembered that I had felt soothed and had enjoyed every single one of those showers. My anxiety and pseudo-syncope (I will explain another time) are just parts of my life, and I can wholeheartedly say, they don't diminish it. They don't have the power to strip me of my eyeliner, of my taste for room decor, of my love for quirky Dr Martens, or the soothing feel of the hot water on my hair. I am still me, and life is good.
Thank you to everyone in my life for being there, and for giving me a reason to be here.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
