The Edinburgh Edition Part 2: Loneliness and Making New Friends
Hello!
As it's my most viewed post, I would imagine that the majority of you have read my first 'Edinburgh Edition' post on where to go to ask for help. Seeing as that did so well, I had the idea of doing a part 2 on loneliness.
There's no escaping it, university is really hard. It's lonely a lot of the time from the hours of solo study and weeks away from your family. It can also be really difficult to make friends. A lot of people make friends in freshers and then assume that those are the people you'll be hanging out with for the rest of your university career. From experience, this is not true. Friends naturally drift apart from you as we stumble further into the abyss of adulthood and even the people who you thought were closest to you can turn round and stab you in the back. What I'm getting at here is that it's completely normal to lose friends, to find university hard, and to feel lonely; it's not your fault. That being said, it is 100% possible to reduce loneliness and make new friends, even when you're not in first year. So, without further ado, lets get on with the advice!
1. Do not hide in your flat!
This is my number one rule for beating loneliness! It sounds silly but actually physically going out of your flat and working on campus is a guaranteed way of seeing people. Sure, you might be sat working by yourself but you're surrounded by other people and you're not just sat on your bed wondering why there's no-one around you. Being brutally honest, you cannot just sit there and wait for the world to come to your door.
Plus, you quite often find that you won't be sat completely alone. When I write these blog posts, I'm quite often sat in the New Amphion cafe in Teviot and I often see people I know and am able to have an impromptu chat. The same is true when I work in the library. I often go down to the cafe for a break and see someone I know. If you see someone, go and say hi, I promise they won't resent it! Also, if you happen to see me typing away and you've read any of my posts, please don't be afraid to say hello, I'd rather that than people staring wondering if that's who I am! Honestly, if you take nothing else away from this post, make it your rule to get outside.
2. Speak to the people in your lectures
Got a lecture where you don't know anyone? Sat next to someone who is also not saying anything? Chances are, they don't know anyone either. Now, I am acutely aware that speaking to someone you don't know can be incredibly daunting but we're all in the same boat here. I remember sitting next to a girl (now a friend of mine) in a politics course at the start of the semester. I'd debated with myself whether I should leave that gap between myself and her but then I thought "I'd quite like to meet at least someone."so I sat right next to her. In the end, she introduced herself and said she also didn't know anyone. That way, even if it is just in class, you have someone to sit next to and the room is automatically less lonely. Plus, it's always nice to have someone to message if you're unwell to say you won't be coming. Bite the bullet, it's never as bad as you imagine!
3. Make the first move
What I mean by this is being that person that asks to meet up. Maybe you've met a really lovely person in your lectures/tutorials and you want to see them outside of class but you don't know whether you should ask or not. A few of the people I've met are quite shy and I've been very nervous to ask them to go for a coffee or something but again, you've just got to go for it. If you're sat there thinking that you get on really well with a person and that you'd really like to hang out with them, unless you're a terrible judge of character, there's a very strong chance that they're feeling the same way. The worst thing that could happen is that they say no but at least you asked! I've definitely had a lot more fun recently because I just asked to meet up with people.
4. Actually go to the events you've been invited to.
So you've been invited to a party, or maybe a ceilidh. You've said you'll go but when it gets to the day of it, it's cold and rainy outside, you feel a bit flat, and it seems way easier to just stay in and watch the same series on Netflix that you've been watching for the past 4 weeks. Sound familiar? I know, we've all been there. However, in my experience once I've chucked on a bit of lippy, given myself a quick spritz of body spray, and actually gone out the door I feel so much better. In fact in the above picture (where I'm on Michael's back), I'd actually been feeling quite anxious about how the evening was going to go but I definitely had more fun than I would have done had I stayed in. Besides, you can always pretend you have an assignment and leave early!
5. Get back in touch with old friends
Quite often we lose touch with people for no real reason and we haven't actually fallen out with the person, we just drift in and out. If this has happened with someone in your life, actually message them and ask if they want to go for a catch up, you probably have an awful lot of catching up to do! For example Kathryn (above left) had got engaged in the time apart!I have definitely found that reconnecting with old friends has made my uni family feel just a little bit bigger, and I'm so grateful for it. Again, the worst thing they can do is say no, so be just a little bit brave.
6. Take part in a society or sports team
I am currently part of a fair few groups and it's honestly like having mini families, especially with sports teams. Now, I appreciate that we're a little bit beyond 'Give it a Go' week but that doesn't mean you can't still join things. I know that the university website has a whole list of societies you can take part in. Click here to see what's on offer! Also, societies give you another excuse to get out of your flat, and it's honestly one of the easiest ways to make new friends.
7. Find things to do with your alone time
Now, I know this sounds pretty much the same as my last point but what I mean is that you can find things to do just by yourself that keep you occupied and content. Obviously I enjoy blogging but I'm also a fan of walking and swimming. Try doing a solo exploration walk around Edinburgh with your favourite music on. I would definitely recommend it. Plus, you can still see other people's faces.
I admit, I was not alone when these pictures were taken as they were taken by my boyfriend but I promise it was for this post in particular, it is genuinely something I enjoy doing. And it will certainly be something I do more often when the strikes take place as a way to pass the time!
I think that's enough to be going on with but I do hope that someone found this helpful. I also want to take this opportunity to collectively thank everyone that has shared my posts! Unfortunately I have no way of seeing what you've written as I only get a number but I am very grateful so please do keep it going. The best way of letting me know if something helped you is to use the messaging facility on the website, or to tell me in person.
Once again, it's normal to be lonely at university but it is possible to reduce that loneliness. You've just got to be a bit brave and I know first hand how hard that is but we are genuinely all in the same boat! Chin up!
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
Thank you to everyone who worked with me on this xx
