Frustrated.
Hello!
I feel like I should apologise in advance for this post as it's probably not going to be so wonderfully structured but I'll do my best. I wasn't sure what I was going to call it as I'm essentially going to rant about people feeling like they have a license to comment on other people's life choices but "rant about people feeling like they have a license to comment on other people's life choices" seemed to lack a certain punch, so I've settled for just "frustrated" because honestly, that's how I feel a lot of the time.
I'm going to start by saying that I'm giving up looking at site views for Lent because the numbers were keeping me awake. I'm going to look once on Sundays (yes, that is allowed) just to keep up with things. I wasn't going to say that I'm doing this because I was afraid of what people might think or that people might ask me what my views on religion are. Despite being extremely well educated in the various aspects of religious thought, I don't feel comfortable talking about it, so I'm not going to.
This slight anxiety about admitting my observation of Lent really got me thinking about the fact that people seem to feel a strange need to comment on someone else's actions if the actions are perceived as different, or taboo. In extreme cases, I actually define this behaviour as Snobbishness. People generally see people that are of a higher class as automatically snobby because they have more than others but actually, I believe that anyone can behave snobbishly. People slot themselves into boxes and decide to write off spending time with anyone who does not fall into that same box saying "I'm just not that sort of person." This can turn into people making incredibly harsh judgements against people simply because they're different and it's my number one pet hate. Someone who votes Labour is not necessarily a compassionate person. Someone who engages in casual sex is not automatically an immoral person. Someone who chose not to go university is not automatically unintelligent. Getting to know people is important.
Generally speaking, unless someone decides to be an axe murderer, other people's life choices don't actually affect us. If we look at someone else, we have no way of knowing what food they eat, what their religious beliefs are, what their political stance is, or who they choose to sleep with and in what capacity. Once we find out these things, however much we disagree with their choices, their choices, by and large, do not affect our own individual lives. So why on earth do we feel the need to try and convert people to our own way of thinking?
This is relevant to me as someone who blogs whilst having anxiety because I have found myself not wanting to admit the most basic things about myself online because I didn't want negative feedback but interestingly, I don't feel ashamed of my life choices in real life. For example, I didn't want to admit that I am not a vegetarian or vegan because I was worried that that choice might offend someone else. But actually, my diet affects me, and me alone. I have no issue with what other people choose to eat and would never question it so I believe that people have no right to question my own choices. You may disagree with me as you're reading this, and that's fine, but I'm not about to change who I am because of it.
The same goes for opinions about events. Take the UCU strikes for example (if you're not aware, many lecturers across the UK are going on strike for 14 teaching days to protest against pension cuts). Personally, I support my lecturers in their decision and I think that it's important to take drastic action in times such as these. However, I do admit to feeling a little bit upset about missing so much teaching, especially as lots of empty time can make me feel very anxious and unanchored. I don't think there's anything wrong in having mixed views about this kind of thing and I feel a little disgusted by those saying "If you feel angry about this the you're selfish and a terrible person." because it's simply not true, and it's unfair to attack people simply for having opinions. Emotions make you human and you should never feel bad for being a bit of a fence sitter or having mixed opinions. It's normal. And I actually feel a lot better for daring to say that.
I think that's what I was worried about. I started to think that if I admitted to anything religious, or what my dietary choices were, or my attitudes to sex, or politics etc etc, then people would get angry, and I'd have to change. That is not true. Nobody has a right to try and change who you are. Instead, perhaps we should celebrate different choices. Personally, I think it's great if you've chosen an alternative diet and you're passionate about it. Wonderful, enjoy it, but don't force others to do exactly the same as you just because you enjoy it. Again, I think it's important for everyone to vote in elections. I might strongly disagree with your choice of candidate, but I still think that taking part is far more important.
Basically, it would be really lovely if we could all be a little bit kinder to each other, open our minds a little wider to difference, and be a little braver in our own choices. No-one should ever feel afraid to say what they think.
I'm sorry for rambling but hey, you chose to follow my thoughts!
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
