Confidence Drop
Hello!
I don't really know how to start this in a way that'll make you want to keep reading so I'll just start. To be honest, I'm not feeling too great just now, like I'm feeling a bit flat and a bit lacking in confidence. It's silly because there have been some good things happening. I've finally got all my flatmates sorted for next year and all that's left to do is sign everything. I've also been voted onto the committee for Renaissance choir as social secretary so I've now got something to be creative with, and I love planning parties and being inventive with them. Lectures are back on and the renaissance tour to Greece is excitingly soon, but I just.. feel flat.
I guess it's because term is ending and exams are starting but it feels like we haven't really had a term so it's all very odd. The end of second year means saying goodbye to some dear friends of mine as they go off on their year abroad. I mean, this wouldn't have bothered me a few months ago as my circle of friends was different but I guess I'm worried of being on my own next year. And also worried of organising crappy socials despite having loads of ideas. And also frightened of falling off a cliff with this blog.
Now, before the messages, emails, and texts come flooding in saying that I don't have to do this and it's not worth it if I'm getting stressed over it etc etc. (I know it's just because you care but it's not what I need just now) I just want to say that I'm getting stressed because I don't know if it's good enough. Last week, I had a group of girls telling me that they read the blog every week, checked it nearly every day, and hung onto every word... and that's incredible, it really is. But I don't know if my content deserves that kind of attention and I don't know if I should be doing more, and if so, I don't know how.. but thank you for continuing to read this. I mean, it would be weird if I didn't get anxious and stressed over this seeing as it's literally about being anxious and stressed! My only hope is that you mean it when you say that you relate to me, that the site looks professional, and that you love the pictures because if I'm being 100% honest, I don't have a clue what I'm doing! The website looks good because I worked damn hard on it and I'm my own worst critic (plus Wix has good templates) and the pictures are shot on a phone. So, honestly, I'm not special in any way but I'm very glad that my thoughts help you.
I guess this is just a low week, and those are pretty normal but never nice when they happen. So, if this helps at all, I want you to know that I'll always be happy to meet for coffee for half an hour if you need a friendly face, I'd never want anyone to feel scared of messaging me. But alongside this, I'd like to ask if you'll help me. I saw someone do this the other day and the response she got was lovely so shout out to Cez for the inspiration.
If I've ever done anything positive for you, or made you happy, I'd really like it if you'd let me know. The instant messaging service is totally anonymous if you're worried but some positive words would really help to know that I'm not just making a total tit of myself on here!
I'm sorry that today was a bit of a moan but hey, we all need a bit of a moan now and then!
Thank you for reading,
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
