The Little Voice Inside My Head
Hello!
I am back home now so things are much quieter, there's no washing up to do, and I generally have more time to think. I was going to do a post on how I've only just realised how stressed I was at university now that I've come back home as I'm managing to sleep more and I generally feel better. But, as you have just seen, that revelation can be written down in a single sentence with no elaboration required. Instead, I've decided that I want to talk about the little voice in my head that tells me I can't do things.
I get a lot of people telling me that I am incredibly brave because I do so many things that should make me feel anxious. What they don't seem to realise is that I have to have an argument with the little voice before I do any of those things. This little voice has been quite prevalent this week. I'm off to Greece on Saturday with the Renaissance Singers for our annual tour and I've been incredibly excited about it up until this week. I suppose now the tour is imminent, it feels real now. The little voice has been saying that I shouldn't go and every aspect of tour seems to be a reason for why not. I bought some new black dresses to wear at concerts and I found myself telling myself that they would somehow be wrong but they're both very smart and fall below the knee; the fact that they are fitted should make no odds to anyone as I'll have a robe over them. The next thing was black shoes. I would normally wear red shoes for choir concerts but tour dress requires black. The little voice persisted that I could't possibly go because my shoes would be wrong. I have since found some suitable ones and the voice was quiet. Next was my hair. My hair is a bit of a state and needs cut and coloured before I go. I thought there would be no way of getting an appointment before Saturday but I went to the hairdressers today and they had an appointment at 10:00 tomorrow morning. The list is endless but step by step, I am finding little ways shut up the little voice.
As we're nearing the end of the university year, I'm starting to think about summer jobs. I've applied for face painting as I have a huge amount of experience working with children, and I have always enjoyed stage paint. When I checked out the website of the company I've applied for, the familiar voice in my head immediately said "You can't do that. Don't even try" and I nearly believed it and didn't bother applying. However, I thought I could have a go on my face, just to try, just to see if I'd be able to get the shape with my regular makeup.
I found that it was easy and that I could create looks in under 15 minutes. So, I sent off my application this morning. It can't hurt to try at least.
Everyone has a little voice inside their head but my point is that it doesn't have to be listened to. If you want to get better at managing your mental health, you've got to challenge that voice. A good film to watch on this subject is 'To The Bone' on Netflix with Lily Collins. The one line that really stuck with me was "Every time you hear that voice, I want you to tell it to fuck off.... Fuck off, Voice!" and that's a great habit to get into.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
