An Ode To Every Kind of Dad
Hello!
As you probably know (well, you might not if you're not from the UK), it is Father's Day on Sunday. Maybe you've bought a card or present. Maybe you've planned a nice meal out or trip to the pub on you for Dad. Maybe you've just had a baby and are celebrating one of your first Father's Days. If that's you, congratulations! Or maybe you're a bit like me where Father's Day has always been a bit of a confusing concept.
This is my biological Dad. So, by rule of thumb, card etc goes to him.
And this is my other Dad. My step-father. He's been around since I was 18 months old and actually raised me most of the time. He's never got a Father's Day card from me and has always been called by his name, Roland. Or 'Loland' as it was in that picture, and up until about the age of 6.
Father's Day for me has always been confusing because all the cards read something like "Dad in a million" or "Number One Dad" or "Best Dad in the World" but when you have two father figures, it's difficult to know where you fit in. Especially when the relationships with both are quite different. And I suppose it's difficult for many Fathers of divorcee children. My dad was lucky because Mum made a real effort to put their differences aside and continue to let him see me and carry on as amicably as possible. She never said a bad word about him until my mid-late teens when I asked how it ended. I won't talk the circumstances of that because it isn't to do with me. Many divorced fathers are not so lucky and struggle to see their children so Father's Day for them must be really difficult. I'm sorry if that is you but trust me, your children will thank you for continuing to fight for them.
When I think about it, Roland and I had a more conventional sort of Father-Daughter relationship. He took me on as his own, cooked for me, taught me how to ride a bike (with many tantrums and sighs of frustration as I couldn't quite do it as quickly as he'd imagined), and helped me with my maths homework. I have many memories of plasters being put on grazed knees and suncream being applied rather violently with a face of utmost disgust - sorry for requiring factor 30 gloop! But throughout my childhood, I never thought that this conventional nurturing of me made him any better or more valid as a father to me than Dad. We lived together so it seemed only natural.
Now I realise that I was incredibly lucky to have a man that wasn't related to me take me on as easily as his own children (far older than me). I think I wanted to say that now because there are lots of step-parents that do a really great job and I don't think they're recognised enough. I don't think that biology makes you a Dad, I think it's your actions. So, if you're reading this and raising children that aren't your own, well done. You're just as much of a father as any other.
(In case you're wondering, I'm the baby. The girl next to me is my big sister and the girl sat down is my cousin)
Dad and I had a less conventional relationship despite being biological family. We saw each other every other weekend when I was a child. I would say fondly that Dad and I have always muddled through. And although things now are a bit more muddled than they were, we're still muddling through. I always thought of our relationship as more of a friendship. We would go on days out to the beach, or we'd see a film at the cinema and he'd always fall asleep! We ate ice cream and did things that I wouldn't normally do so it was always kind of fun. We spent a lot of time driving between Weston-Super-Mare (where he lived) and Worcester so I began to know that motorway very well. I have memories of choosing car music, being pushed on swings, and us both being just a little bit shy. There were rocky times and happy times and like I say, we muddled through.
So, I guess this section is bit of an ode to the Divorced Dads. It must be difficult to know how to treat your child when most of time, they're with someone else. They're going to a school that you might not have chosen or going on holidays that you'll never be a part of. I recognise now that Dad had a tough job but he did his best and I was always grateful for that. And many of you know of the sticky bits we've had recently but I'm sure that, like all the other sticky bits, we'll muddle along as we always have.
I don't think there's a perfect way to parent and I certainly don't think that Dad was the perfect parent but he gave it a good go and I think that's all I can ask for.
I suppose this is my slightly awkward way of saying a general Happy Father's Day because I have always felt wrong for saying it just once. So, to new dads, old dads, step-dads, separated dads, divorced dads, dads who've lost their children, and any dad in between, you don't need a card to prove who you are. Keep muddling through because most of the time, we turn out alright in the end!
As always, feel free to like/share/message.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
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