Why It's Ok To Feel Out of Control
Hello!
A lot of the time with anxiety, it's fairly easy to forget you have it at all. Then out of the blue something will hit you and all your emotions seem to go completely ballistic and you just feel completely out of control with yourself. That's kind of where I've been at the last day or so. So I kind of wanted to get on here and say that feeling like you don't have a bloody clue what's going on with how you feel or how to stop it is completely ok and normal. It's very easy to be too hard on yourself when you feel overwhelmed and I know I certainly am.
But she said she was feeling really positive literally 3 days ago you might be thinking to yourself as you read this. Yeah, I was. But it's often when things go well that it all starts to get overwhelming. I started a new job on Monday at the Worcester Maize Maze (it's on google if you're unsure what that is) and it's going really well. The two girls I'm working with have been friends for years and have worked at the maze for a long time so I was really worried that I wouldn't fit in because I was so new but I was pleasantly surprised to find that we got on really well and that working with them is fun. Our boss is super laid back and seems pleased with how we're getting on. Nothing has indicated that I'm not cut out for it but of course, me being me, I'm constantly worried that I'm going to get fired for no reason other than my own self doubt. Stupid really as it's an ongoing joke that Rob doesn't fire people, however useless they are! This worry peaked on Thursday as I woke up with really bad sunstroke and wasn't able to go in. I'd forgotten to put suncream on my neck on Wednesday, we're outside all day, and I'm incredibly fair skinned so it was bound to happen at some point. I've had to be reminded persistently that you can't lose your job because you're ill but the worry is still there.
This self doubt has just mounted from that so I've got to the point of feeling like friends hate me or find me really annoying. It's funny actually because I've seen so many mental health awareness posts telling us to reach out if we're feeling down and that would be fine but if you feel like the most annoying person on the planet anyway, it's very difficult just to go "hey, listen to my problems!" so perhaps those posts should encourage everybody to reach out to everyone else. I know that would help me, and I also know it's helped my friends occasionally to have someone message and ask how they are.
I didn't want this to turn into a huge whinge about me so I guess my point is that I know underneath all the panic that these negative thoughts are just that: negative thoughts. Just because they're there it doesn't make them true. But in the same way, just because you know they're not true doesn't make them any less present. And that's ok, you're not going mad. And very soon you'll regain that control.
And the last thing I wanted to say is that I won't find you annoying if you need to talk about anything. It's always nice to hear from people even if we don't normally talk.
I think I'll leave it there. On here if you need to chat, I'm most likely to be able to reply if you use the messaging service on my About page. Or, if you're not bothered about a reply, the instant messaging service is always open. And there's always Instagram and Facebook etc.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
