Explaining Myself
Hello!
I approach today's post with a sense of complete frustration, purely because it shouldn't need writing at all. However I am sick to death of people questioning me about my relationship with Joe and asking me whether I actually like him or not because apparently I don't give off the right vibes. At the same time, I appreciate that my friends are only asking out of a place of love but after a while it makes me feel like a crappy girlfriend. So, to clear up any doubt I must apologise for any mush that follows this paragraph.
Joe and I have been together for a year and a half now and to be honest, he's brilliant for me. I don't mention a lot of what he does because I see it as between us but for the purposes of this, I'll give some examples. Joe has never once freaked out about my anxiety and has kept a level head whenever I've had a panic attack, thrown up, or collapsed. He's never let that define me and I really appreciate it. And he knows that. He also drove all the way up to Edinburgh at the end of my second year so we could use his van to pack all my stuff in. He has often done things that he may not want to do normally just to put a smile on my face. For example, he sat through the Emma Watson version of 'Beauty and the Beast' in the cinema because I was really ill and he knew I'd enjoy it. He's come to a number of my concerts and recitals without complaint and has also attended concerts and productions that my friends were in purely because he knew it meant a lot to me. I could go on but the simple fact is this: I have not met and feel at this point that I am not likely to meet someone as genuinely loving and compassionate as him. I tell him I love him all the time but I hope you are now convinced.
I must also mention that he's never been anything other than fair when another man expressed an interest. This was particularly put to the test recently but he was never bitter nor jealous and was supportive when I felt uncomfortable with the situation. Again, I think that's rare and I'm grateful. And of course he knows that.
So why don't I talk about this more often? I feel uncomfortable talking openly about my feelings to other people as I don't want to be annoying and it's private. I've often been questioned on why we don't show many public displays of affection towards each other when we're with other people. This was a joint decision at the start of the relationship. We decided to keep the majority of our relationship private and don't feel it necessary to be making out all over the place. Fair enough if you like that but we don't. I make sure Joe knows how I feel and that's that.
I know I whinge about him sometimes as whilst I love him, he drives me up the wall. It really irritates me that Joe seems to have the innate ability to suddenly lose his wallet whenever we need to leave the house, perhaps he could be a bit less childish when he's tired, and I certainly wouldn't mind if he didn't try and show me truly diabolical films that he knows full well I will hate just because he thinks I "should just give it a chance". But the thing is, the little infuriating things about him are what makes him who he is and I would never change that. It's funny, I was just thinking of the line in 'About Time' (good film btw) where the Mother says "Do you know, I am completely uninterested in a life without your Father." And do you know what? I am totally uninterested in being without Joe just now so thanks for your concern but we're fine.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
