A Wobble
Hello!
So I thought I'd just jump on here and have a chat about how I'm feeling right now just because. For those who don't know, it was the UK A level results day last week so I was going to do a long post giving advice for first years, and I will. I think it's so important to give as much help as possible because university is absolutely terrifying and in my experience, it doesn't get any less terrifying.
In fact, the reason why I'm writing at all right now is because I'm sat in my room worrying about going into third year. My life here is organised and settled. My relationship is more stable than it's been in a while, I have a job and a routine, good friends, and a nice structure. I haven't started my third year routine yet so I don't know what it is yet but I'm worried. It's silly really because I'm in a much better position this year than I was last year. I have a nice flat that I've seen properly and I actually like it plus I'm with people I know I get on with and we just work well as a team. I'm into the musical groups I want to be in so I don't have the dreaded Freshers Week auditions, I have a committee role so I have the opportunity to make changes and have a little project to work on, I'm into the courses I want to be on, I have my sports team, and I've just bought some really lovely lights for my new room to make it more cosy AND they have a timer on them so I can use them as anxiety night lamps if I ever need to. Everything is nice and stable... surprisingly so.. but I still feel so worried.
The thing is, I got incredibly ill in second year with anxiety. More ill than I've ever been before. Of course I used it as a positive by getting the help I needed and starting this blog and being all wise and organised. But what I haven't said before is that those 2 months were terrifying. I'm frightened of getting that ill again. I think it's just thinking about it really because when you get that ill, you cope; you get through each hour, one by one and you don't have time to think about it because you're too busy coping with it. But right now, when I think of the whole scale of it, it's like this huge ugly monster trying to eat me. And then it morphs into the whole "third year" idea, and before I know it, I feel like I'm going to battle a dragon rather than further my education. But the difference this is that I'm making a real effort to prevent that illness.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm having a little bit of a wobble and that it's normal to feel frightened about going back to uni. We'll get there, friends!
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
