The Panic of No Panic
Hello!
Today might be rather short and sweet but I did want to address this because it's sort of been mulling over in my mind for the past week or so (hence the quiet on here) and I think it's time to write it up.
Things are great at the moment and I honestly don't think that university has ever been so good. I finally feel like my friendships are falling into place and the toxic ones have gone. I'm enjoying my classes, on top my choral work, and I love my flat. But I'm suddenly feeling this anxiety because I almost feel like things shouldn't be this good. It's not allowed to be this good.
And that's silly because there are difficult things. My gran is in hospital and is potentially nearing the end and there are a couple of other things going on but I have this weird clarity with those things. I know how to cope and I have made the conscious decision not to get emotional and upset until I have a genuine reason to. But I think because I have dealt with those things so well, I feel like there is nothing negative. And that's good.
You're probably reading this thinking 'where on earth are you going with this, Sarah? Things are great." And you're right but I think because I genuinely don't have anything to be anxious about but I am almost searching for something to be anxious about because I feel like I should be anxious.
So that's it. I'm creating angst because I feel like it should always be there. That's sad in a way isn't it? Oh well, that's how I am right now.
Hope you're all doing well.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
