Tis The Season To Listen To Your Body
Hello!
I guess that it's fitting that I'm currently writing this as a break from essay writing as today I wanted to talk about the importance of listening to your body at this time of year which, for musicians and academics alike, is truly bonkers.
We've got essays coming out of our ears, concerts left right and centre, parties, meals... an endless cycle of seasonal business and exhaustion. It can be very easy to get swept up in it all and not take any breaks and then suddenly, you wake up one morning with an awful headache unable to get out of bed. And I want to say to you as your wise old internet hypocrite that you shouldn't allow that to happen. I mean, I say I'm a hypocrite but I am really trying to discipline myself.
I think the first thing you have to remember is that your body is going to tell you what to do. And I cannot stress enough that ignoring it will be your downfall as I almost ended up in hospital last year from doing just that. If you have said to yourself last night, tomorrow I'm getting up at 8am and will be working hard at 9am, and then it gets to 8am and you just don't feel able to get up and be productive, it is not bad to stay in bed for that extra hour. Your body needs that sleep and you will 100% work so much better if you have given yourself that rest.
Sometimes you're not going to be able to concentrate on work every day. That's not a bad thing either. Take a day off. And if that scares you, list the negative outcomes that might happen from taking that day off and then come up with solutions or reasons why those negative outcomes aren't going to happen. So, lets do this together. You take the day off to rest, what is the worst thing that could happen. Realistically the worst thing is you don't make the deadline. If that's the case, don't panic, don't stay up all night trying to get it done because the work is going to be low quality. You can apply for an extension very easily on the grounds of ill health. And you must remember that extensions are not a sign of weakness, they are there to help you when things get tough.
And the next thing I would stress is to not invalidate the things that you are going through and the pain you might be feeling about things that are totally external to university/work. This is something that I am bad at. But I'm going to write this down more for my own well being than anything else. I am grieving for the loss of my dad and feeling angry with my family for still having him. I know that those feelings are irrational and it's nobody's fault but those feelings are genuinely there. I am also grieving for the death of my grandmother. If I'm honest, her death has hit me harder than I ever thought it would but I am starting to realise that those feelings are valid; they're allowed. And on top of that, I feel anxious about neglecting other members of my family because my head is so full. I am aware of the fact that I have not seen my sister and nephews for nearly two months, that I have had my nephew's first birthday present sat in my room for over a month, that I have not been entirely present but at the same time, to be in those raw stages of grief in the presence of such small children did not feel right to me. And coming out of those initial stages of grief, I'm starting to feel ready to be the smiling, warm auntie that they know and love. So, I think I need to recognise that all of those feelings are there and that I am guilty of repressing those feelings for the sake of those around me.
The next thing I would emphasise is that social media images are not reality. All of the above images were taken in the weeks following Nanny's death. I am so aware that I put them on the blog, or on Instagram, or Facebook and for anyone looking from the outside, I look like I'm having the time of my life. And I am having happy times in amongst the sad times because I have fantastic friends and flatmates around me, but that does not mean that I'm the happiest I could possibly be because there are so many times that I hear a piece of music or see a cup of tea in the exact strength she liked it and dissolve into tears. And this isn't a "woe is me, look how awful my life is" post because my life is a good one. My point is that it can be so easy to look at pictures on social media and believe the lie, and believe that that person is doing brilliantly. Keep that perspective there.
And I also think it's important to remember the good things in your life as well. If you follow me on Facebook, you will have noticed that I'm posting a lot of pictures of friends. And this is partly because of the new camera (if you'd been wondering, I got a new camera for my 21st and to celebrate a year of blogging) but also because having those pictures of the people around me make me smile and make me feel less alone. And I don't feel that I need to be in those photographs because pictures of me don't make me feel as happy, and I know what I was really feeling in those pictures. So, I want to say thank you to the people around me, you are making things a bit easier and I don't say it enough.
I was going to leave it there but actually, I've decided to say this as well. My best friend once said to me that she can find my blogs so frustrating because I often ice skate over things because I'm frightened of offending people and that I have to realise that lots of people read these to understand what's really going on in my head. I didn't believe her at the time but now I realise how right she was because I've gone so quiet on so many people and my blog views have increased at the same time as that. I'm finding that I can't reach out to people. I've seen so many internet posts about mental health telling those that are struggling to ask for help or reach out to friends. I can't do that right now, I worry about being a burden and I just don't know how to say to people that I need their help. And I've always thought that we should tell the people around those with mental health issues to reach out and ask how they're doing. And I think it's probably true for everyone that they have times where they don't know who cares. So consequently we're all frightened of talking to one another so everything is going silent. I'm sorry if I've not spoken in a while and you're reading this. If you want to go for coffee but haven't asked, go for it, I will absolutely say yes. I know I need to make time for friends but I'm being kind of bad at it. So I'm sorry, I'm still here, I still care.
Thanks for reading and sharing as always,
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
Photography: Sophia Stevens and Lindsay Evans
