Appreciate How Far You've Come
Hello!
Today's post is going to be a little more positive. Perhaps I've been inspired by the deluge of 10 year challenges on Instagram recently but I thought I'd write about appreciating how far you've progressed, however you're feeling right now.
I've been feeling pretty low recently with anxiety and body dysmorphia. I've been groping at my flesh every night wishing I could claw it off and just generally feeling low about myself. But, I was looking at pictures, and this is me just 3 or 4 years ago.
When I look at these photos, I remember a girl with pretty much no self confidence who felt inferior to the other girls at school, who cared what people said about her, and more importantly, believed what they said. I was a girl who punished her body every day to try and look like the girls with different body types, who looked at the first picture and thought I was too fat. I mean, my room could have done with a clean but fat, no way. I'd lost all colour in my face, I didn't brush my hair, I did my best to hide my body with my clothes when I was in public. I was in a shitty relationship with a boy who made me feel unworthy, not thin enough, not attractive enough, and I was unhappy. And I thought it was going to be that way forever.
And this is that girl now. I have the same insecurities, and the same illnesses but this time, I'm in control. The people around me are on my side and want me to feel confident. My boyfriend tells me he loves me every day and more importantly, tells me that I am more than good enough. I'm happier and stronger and food isn't the enemy any more, it's my mind.
And do you know what? The people at school who made me feel insignificant are so irrelevant to me now. I can pass them in the street at home and I'm not frightened anymore. And you know, some of them have matured into beautiful, kind young people and I wish them all the best but others, they have continued to spread negative energy and I feel sorry for them. Because that negativity is going to bite them in the arse one of these days and it's so unnecessary.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that "no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent." and I remember hearing that at the time and thinking it couldn't possibly be true because these people just did, whether I consented or not but actually, it is completely true. Because now I can look with fresh eyes and realise that these people aren't better than me, and they never were. Anyone can look down their noses at anyone and make them feel shit but it's the strongest amongst us that don't need to. If you're in that situation, ask yourself whether these people are going to be relevant to you in a few years time. If not, why are they relevant now? Surround yourself with people who make you shine and although your insecurities will still be there, they're not going to own you anymore.
I don't say this a lot but looking at these pictures, I'm pretty damn proud. I just wish I had known at the time that things were going to get so much better.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
