Rethinking Sex: International Women's Day 2019
Hello!
First of all, a very happy International Women's Day! I hope you all had a lovely day. If you're interested, I spent mine cleaning my flat because I actually find it so soothing and helpful for my anxiety to give everything a good scrub - getting old there, Sarah!
Anyway, if you're a regular reader, you may know that I decided to stop hormonal contraception the other week and switch to the copper coil. I'm on a waiting list at the moment so it's just me and my body for now and having gone through the transition stage, I feel fantastic! And I wanted to come on here and have a chat about taking control of my own contraception and my own body and how that's been quite difficult to do as a woman.
I first went on hormonal contraception at the age of 17 when I went on the implant. I didn't want to. But my boyfriend at the time said that he didn't like the feel of condoms and that he wanted to see what sex would feel like without one. Shortly after, he slept with someone else, we broke up and I was left with this horrible thing in my arm that caused all sorts of problems with my body. In fact, every man I've ever slept with has always said that they're glad I'm "sorted" because they hate condoms and sex never felt as good. And I always thought well, these side effects aren't too great but at least I'm pleasing them. Well right now I'm back to condoms due to being on the waiting list and of course, my boyfriend complained because it wouldn't feel as good but this is where my mindset changed.
I told him to fuck off and get on with it. And it was possibly one of the most empowering things I'd done in a long time.
Sex is not just about male pleasure. And it really angers me that we're taught that it is and that female sexuality is taboo or dirty. Ladies, you should have the right to choose exactly what goes into your body and no-one else should be allowed to tell you what to do, especially not a man with the sole interest of having a nicer 10 minutes of sensation on his dick. Because I've realised now that I'm just me and my body that I have felt unwell for the past four years because of hormonal contraception. I have felt anxious about being sufficient for men's needs for at least 3 of those years because I always thought sex was about men but actually, I am more than sufficient. I've been told by every man I've ever slept with that I was the best they'd ever had and whilst that's a lovely thing to hear, I invariably haven't felt the same way but then thought it didn't matter. But it does. Sex should be about a connection and the enjoyment of two people, not just one. And honestly, it's only when I started to prioritise myself as a woman that I have started to feel more comfortable with sexuality. So ladies, don't be afraid to tell someone to fuck off if they refuse to understand your needs.
International Women's Day is about all women, I realise that, and there are so many things I could have chosen to speak about but this one just felt right.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
Photography: Lindsay Evans
