Let's Talk About Periods
Hello!
So I have never really talked about periods on here before and that's because in all the time I've been writing on here, I haven't really had them. This was because of various contraception. I mean, I had them at the start of the blog because I was on the combination pill at the time and you get a week to bleed etc. But then of course I had to change my contraception because I started getting awful migraines to a pill that stopped them again. And I hadn't really spoken about the combo pill periods because they never felt natural to me, just a bit of brown, infertile blood over a few days so I didn't really address it. But today marks the first natural period I've had with no contraception in 4 years.
It's so funny, it was almost like a pregnancy announcement this morning as I told my mum, my boyfriend, my flatmate, and now I'm telling you. And they were all kind of like "Oh no, that's rubbish!" and I was so confused because I was so delighted to have a period and feel like a normal woman that I just wanted to tell everyone. Yes, I've got some cramps and I had a bit of a cry over a podcast this morning (Happy Mum Happy Baby: Amanda Holden) but I love the feeling of being just me and my own hormones with no other interruptions. And I like to feel that my body still works and still ovulates and will flush itself out every month with no blockages. It never felt right having no periods and I really hope they don't stop when I get the coil (note: every woman is different, some don't have periods on the coil, some do, don't come for me). I might even get very heavy periods on the coil and people have warned me about that but I honestly say, hand on heart that I don't care. I naturally have heavy periods, always have done so that's not going to faze me. I would rather bleed heavily every month than have no periods and never smile, feel very sad and anxious, and put on loads of weight. To me, those side effects are so much more miserable than a heavy period because to be that hormonal is not natural. Periods are.
You might be reading this and think, she's a right weirdo, periods are horrible! And you're right, they're not pleasant but let me tell you why I have such a strong affinity with them. When I was unwell with anorexia, I was so frightened of what I was doing all the time. And I was so frightened that my periods might stop and that I wouldn't be able to deny that I was ill anymore. I knew I was pale, I knew I was losing loads of weight, I knew my hair was falling out, and I knew that I felt terrible most of the time. But as long as I kept getting my periods, I was going to be ok. That's what I told myself. And they didn't stop. They became a little bit lighter, perhaps a little bit irregular but they didn't stop. And when I went on contraception, I was frightened they would stop. And I think that was because I didn't want to be on contraception, I felt like I was forced into it but as long as I got my period, I could pretend it wasn't happening. For a while, they carried on and I was relieved but then they stopped. When they stopped, I didn't have a boyfriend, I was coming out of the anorexia so it didn't matter so much. But as soon as things got bad with contraception, I longed for a period and to feel normal again. On the implant, I started to bleed constantly for three weeks at a time. You might say, there you go, you were getting a period. But no, that wasn't natural so I didn't see that as a proper period. For me, it's all about feeling normal. It's a reassurance. I'm not pregnant but my body still works and I'll still be able to have children. That's another huge fear of mine, and was a huge fear during the anorexia, not being able to have children. I'm so maternal and I love children and I couldn't bear not being able to have them.
And I'm sorry if you don't like period talk but I want you to know that it's fine to be grateful for them.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
Photography: Lindsay Evans - Instagram blog: @novelandink
