Wading Through Treacle
Hello!
It's been about a month since I last wrote on here. It seems surprising that I have hardly written during quarantine given the fact that it's taken such a toll on our mental health, but here we are.
Those of you who talk to me on a regular basis may have noticed that I've been very quiet or that my replies have become even slower than usual. It isn't anything personal, I suppose I've been feeling overwhelmed thinking about what to say when you ask how I am. The honest answer would be pretty happy in many ways but wading through treacle in others. I'm able to stay pretty positive and upbeat a lot of the time until I'm hit with intensely powerful panic attacks.
Explaining panic attacks to people who don't suffer from them can be difficult as people often have the misconception that they must be caused by something, they must be about one singular thing - remove it and you'll feel calm. If only it were that simple! It's true, a panic attack might be triggered by something e.g. you receive a text that upsets you; but that initial trigger often spirals into something much larger e.g. a text from my S/O is in a different tone to normal :. they're becoming tired of me:. it's my fault that they're tired of me:. I'm a difficult person:. I'm going to die alone:. I am pointless and have no worth. The spiral often lurches from the sublime to the ridiculous and causes the panic attack to become more and more violent and thus last longer. Quite frankly, it's exhausting, and it's difficult to explain without worrying that people will think you're insane.
The main cause behind panic attacks, or certainly a surge in panic attacks I find, is a loss of control. To an extent, we are all completely out of control at the moment so things have become very stressful. Things might feel uncertain with your significant other, you might be worried about your family, your job security might not be as certain as it was before. It's all very frightening so of course our mental health is naturally going to deteriorate. And you're certainly not on your own if you found yourself identifying with this blog.
I'm finding that the key is to take everything one day at a time. Some days will be calm, other days won't, but the important thing to remember is that none of this will last forever. We will be able to see our other halves, families, and friends sooner than we think. No panic attack will last forever, every bad day is only 24 hours long, the same as any other. Even the days that drag will eventually end. We've just got to wade through the boredom!
Take a deep breath... we've got this.
Lots of Love,
Sarah xxx
